Forgiveness

Do people who bring harm to others deserve forgiveness? Is there forgiveness within us, despite being mistreated or hurt by someone else? People have struggled with this dilemma for ages, especially those who couldn't get past their experiences. I sometimes wonder, if society was all forgiving, what would our world be like? Possibly in a utopian society, we could eliminate the sins in the world, wouldn't that be nice? Throughout our lifetime, we will no doubt struggle to forgive those who hurt us.  Forgiveness is not automatic; it is a process whereby you can develop understanding and build the confidence to forgive. It is a thoughtful and conscious decision to make, to help find salvation when choosing to forgive. When you can acknowledge and process the pain you experienced, then you can unburden yourself from the negative emotions impacting your well-being. An offense caused by a family member or friend can be overwhelming, since it impedes your relationship and trust. One must consider all the factors and the circumstances that led to the offense, and how you are affected by it. Acknowledgement and understanding of both persons involved are key when attaining forgiveness. It takes time to forgive, everyone gets there eventually. It is important to work towards an understanding and get help and guidance if needed. As time passes, and you gain the strength, you will find a way to forgive.

“Forgiveness does not mean you forget what someone has done, contrary to the saying “Forgive and forget.” Not reacting with negativity, or giving in to the negative emotions, does not mean you do not respond to the acts or that you allow yourself to be harmed again. Forgiveness does not mean that you do not seek justice or that the perpetrator is not punished.”

- Dalai Lama XIV

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

- Mark Twain

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

- Mahatma Gandhi

“Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness.”

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive.”

- Alan Paton

“Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.”

- Desmond Tutu

Forgiveness enables you to eliminate the negative feelings, anger, and resentment you have towards the person who harmed you. Sometimes people find it very difficult to forgive another person, due to the actions taken by the person who caused the pain and suffering. People must understand that forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you condone the behavior of the individual causing the harm. Instead, it allows you to unburden yourself from all the negative emotions that impede your well-being.  As you can unburden yourself, you will no doubt reduce the stress and anxiety you experience. Overall, forgiveness is actually better for your mental health, at the same time, it allows you to heal over time. One must also consider that even if you have forgiven someone, it does not mean you completely forget what happened. It will remain in your psyche, as a cautious reminder, since this may impact the trust level you have with that person. If the person who hurt you was a stranger, the circumstances may be different since you don't have a relationship with that person. It is important to consider all the factors that led to the moment when your trust was broken, especially if the person is a family member or friend. It will take time and effort for you to build that trust again, and it will depend on both individuals to reach a mutual respect and understanding.

“Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means, rather, that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship. Forgiveness is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning.”

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

“It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.” 

- Maya Angelou

“It's not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.”

- Tyler Perry

“He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.” 

- Thomas Fuller

“Acceptance and tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons.” 

- Jessica Lange

“Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.” 

- Indira Gandhi

Some people may need professional help to develop the ability to forgive; it is helpful to see a therapist to help gain the confidence and understanding required to forgive. Forgiveness is no doubt difficult, especially if the person who caused the harm has no remorse. The severity of the offense is also a factor to consider; in some cases, some situations can't be forgiven. Religious teachings implore one to forgive, although one must consider the psychological harm the offense causes to those who are harmed. Reconciliation is very important to help you achieve understanding, and it is also vital that the parties involved reach an agreement. Within relationships between family and friends, forgiveness is beneficial to all concerned. Forgiveness is a transformative experience, it enables you to enhance your personal growth and resilience. When you learn from difficult experiences you will eventually learn empathy and compassion. As you evaluate your life, and unburden yourself from all the stress and anxiety associated with the offense, you will feel better. Despite it being difficult to forgive, learning to forgive is a process, and it will take time and effort. Consider it a personal journey, as you gain the strength and confidence to forgive. Sometimes apologies and reconciliation take time, don't place unreasonable expectations on everyone concerned. As you evolve in your understanding, practice compassion and allow forgiveness to prevail for the betterment of all.

“Reconciliation does not mean forgetting or trying to bury the pain of conflict, but that reconciliation means working together to correct the legacy of past injustice.” 

- Nelson Mandela

“Without forgiveness life is governed by... an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.”

- Roberto Assagioli

“In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you love? How deeply did you learn to let go?”

- Buddha

“Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misperceptions.”

Gerald Jampolsky

“By forgiving the hurt and disappointments of your past, you release it from holding onto you in your future, and hindering your progress.” 

- Eric Watterson

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” 

- Mark Twain